A little background.

*disclaimer: this post contains no pretty graphics or super useful info, just a little bit about me*
I’ve been experiencing some anxiety that feels reminiscint to the feelings a certain grade school activity gave me as a child. You may know the one.

You’re at recess, and you’re waiting for your turn to run and jump into the moving jump rope. (if you’re more talented than I ever was, you can imagine it being Double Dutch). You know the feeling? You’re ready to leap in with everything you have, watching the rhythm of the rope, timing seems perfect…until at the very last second pull back, doubting yourself. And are forced to start all over until you finally just cross your fingers and take the leap.

I have felt the same anxiety regarding this blog. I have really wanted to open up and share more of myself, but have had this conflicting push and pull, back and forth feeling. I just don’t know where to start. To be perfectly honest, We are working through some things in our personal lives right now. And although we are a happy family, like everybody, we have our own set of struggles. Many of them rearing their ugly heads just recently and making life pretty damn stressful.

Also, I haven’t told anyone in my personal life (except my parents) about this new blog adventure I’m on, and If I had, I may not have the courage to put this all out there. Who wants to admit publicly that a chunk of their life is a big ol’ plate of crap sandwich. Not I! Ok, here we go.

As much as I love a good party, and really started this whole blog to share some insight and easy party projects that can enable anyone to throw a truly special event for the people they love. I know how expensive it can be and although there are plenty of you out there that don’t have any HUGE concerns about money…you’re in a good place and can afford to have a little luxury in your life.

Others, Like myself, for varying reasons, are not in a great place where money is concerned. Life gets tough, things happen, we just have to keep moving forward, doing the best we can for our families. Keeping our kid’s hearts filled with light and joy, all the while struggling to stay afloat and keep it from affecting their lives.

We don’t live in a big house, or even own our home for that matter. I drive a car that most 16 year old girls would hate to receive from their parents upon passing their driver’s license test. But that’s ok, because keeping a car that may be old(-ish), and totally not cool… It IS completely paid off, has super low insurance, and has done our family good for many years.

Small sacrifices on our end make being able to afford the season pass at our local zoo, our monthly trip to the local bakery and book store, and other fun stuff for our kids, that brings us joy possible. So for me, It’s a no-brainer. I can go without a new wardrobe or fancy purse, we can go without upgrading our vehicle, or having a crazy huge TV in multiple rooms of our house. But I will NOT sacrifice celebrating the special events in our life, no matter how big or small . There is a way to make it work.

Over the last year, it has taken everything we could manage to scrape together in order to keep Chad’s new company afloat. We have high hopes for 2014, so no pity party here! It has just been a rough year starting up. I could say we live paycheck to paycheck, but that would be an understatement. We are our own “bosses”, and if the work is not there, or the weather prohibits it from getting done, there is no paycheck.. period.

Meanwhile at Purely Posh (my little craft business) I was way overextended, I had party orders to fulfill, and with the a {teensy} budget to put into my work & the desire to still provide clients with really awesome and unique party packages. I developed all sorts of ways to make cool stuff for less. The problem was, although I was a busy bee, I was bringing in very little income overall, enough for a trip to the grocery store. The workload was too much for what I was sacrificing and the return I was getting.

So we basically felt like we were drowning. You can imagine how tense times got, we have never been in such a bad place financially. Emotions were high, tears were shed, and it all came to a head days before Christmas. Which resulted in maybe a slight over dramatization on my part as the guilt ridden, failure of a mom. C’mon we all have those moments.

I felt as though I had failed my kids, and as a stay at home mom for the last three years, was feeling tremendous guilt for not doing more to help provide for my family. To sit back and do my selfish “craft” thing, while Chad was doing everything in his power to provide for our family and be successful in his once exciting venture.
I distinctly remember a melt down while on the phone with my mom, tears streaming down my face, sitting in the grocery store parking lot, in my crappy old car ;), puffy eyed and a visible hot mess. She was able to talk me off the mommy-guilt ledge and pull it together. I must say, I felt much better after my meltdown, it’s hard holding it all together on the home front.

We are starting 2014, with high hopes, deep motivation, and a positive attitude. Even though we may not have the most financially stable foundation at this very moment in our lives, it doesn’t mean that we can’t have extraordinary experiences with our kids and celebrate the everyday. I truly hope that anyone else suffering from “mommy guilt”, financially related or not, can let it go. As women, humans, and mothers, we can only do so much. Life doesn’t always deal us an easy or fair hand. Crap happens. It is what it is.

Let it all go ladies, and do the best you can for your kids. If that means sacrificing the cute designer clothes, extraneous amount of adorable shoes or techie toys so you can provide a better environment, with less stress, guilt, and unmet expectations.

Be present in the moment, give them undivided attention, even if it’s for 15 minutes between trying to use the bathroom in peace (yeah right) or tackle the heaping mound of laundry (because someone is always out of undies, I swear!). Feeling truly connected to you will do more for them than any expensive electronic toy or frilly outfit ever could. Or at least that’s what I’m counting on. Call me crazy but I’d say it’s a good bet. My sweet little boy will be headed off to preschool this year, and I plan on making every single moment count. The end of early childhood is swiftly approaching and I am hanging on to these last precious days tightly (I’m talking death grip).

This leads us to the here and now. In my little corner of the internet with this new outlet to share all the things that I’m passionate about. To offer others an opportunity to use the knowledge/experience (or lack there of) I have to offer, to aid in making their passions a little easier to accomplish.

Now that I’ve gotten all of THAT out of the way! If you’ve stuck around this long, I truly thank you. I am just a mom, trying to do the best I can, given the circumstances we’re in. I love parties, I love being a mother, and I love celebrating life’s everyday blessings.

Whew, Big {Heart Hugs} to you. (I sure need one! ;))

2 thoughts on “A little background.

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